Dancing Off Track (Journal Entry 2678)

I don’t wanna go back-“

I lie to myself.

“Nobody’s gonna push me off track-“

God-

What a blissful delusion.

Using my ego to make reckless mistakes,

Wrecking my youth,

Torching my potential,

Adding salt to my wounds-

I’m staring at the future straight at gun point-

Laughing mechanically-

Howling away,

Straight into the night,

Driving well above the limit,

While I’m over the legal limit-

This tiny car a bullet.

“I don’t wanna go back”

I yowl to myself-


But I yearn for those days-

The impulsiveness,

ghastly mindset,

And ecstatic frenzy of self torture-

I wanna go back-

Where I felt too dark for my soul,

Heavy enough in the bones,

To bury my thoughts,

Between yellow lines-

I’m staring at the future straight at gunpoint-

Laying right before my eyes,

Well above the limit,

Between the hug of a tree

And the curve of a heavy machine.








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