Becoming Self Assured

I think I reached a new level of self assurance. 

I was on a date with a guy during the summer, and as I was sitting in his truck listening to music I turned to him and asked “So, are we going to have a second date? It doesn’t even have to be a date to be honest”. He seemed really reluctant about it his response and he opened his mouth and said with hesitance “I don’t know”. Straight up, I looked him dead in the eyes and word for word said “I really DO NOT care if you call me back after this. I’m not going to emotionally tire myself wondering why someone didn’t like me”. He chuckled as I said these words. He was taken a back, but eventually he turned to me with a sly smile on his face that was one part confusion, and another part curiosity.

“You saying that makes me want to call back”. 

And he didn't.

Two years ago, I would have incessantly checked his Snapchat story every time I surveyed the app- primarily to see IF he posted. Yet this time around, I was happy. I enjoyed the time I spent with him, but I wasn't going to desperately try to hold on to him in some way or another. Friendship should be a two way street, in which both parties make the equal effort to spend time together. Yet he wasn't making that effort. And I didn't care to either. Plus, latching on to him would have blocked a passageway in my life to meet someone I could connect with better. And throughout the summer I did; with many different people in so many different ways.

He was an honest to god heartthrob in his own ways, and the epitome of what I found physically attractive.

But I could tell our conversations were jaded and inorganic. When I was 16, I would have probably have tried to force something that wasn't real due to my own insecurities and in turn use a man's attention as validation for my existence.

I was at peace. I love myself. I didn't need anyone's validation to tell me I was a valued human being.

Sometimes people vibe together, and sometimes they don’t- and that’s totally okay! But I would not let my emotions fly off the handle just because someone didn't like me/value me enough.

Regardless if you’re a guy or a girl, don’t stress out too much about whether a person likes you or not- romantically or otherwise. It should be of priority that you worry more about whether YOU like them, than worrying if THEY like you.

And that's why I was okay with him not calling back. I found myself not that really into him. I didn't really care if he liked me. Confidence is not thinking "They're going to like me". It's thinking "I'll be okay if they don't". This was a cognitive gimmick I heard on a TedTalk by Christina Grimmie, that so far, has really helped me out since I heard it.

Just remember to hold yourself up.

God/ the universe/ Allah/ Flying Spaghetti Monster/ the void/ whatever you want to call it/ made you unique and worthy of being treasured. Don’t stress if ONE person in 7 billion is too blind to recognize your pricelessness. Sometimes it's not even in the context of the other party being unable to recognize your beauties, but more so a thing of compatibility.

Invest in yourself. Read books. Watch documentaries. Learn an art/skill. Work hard. Prioritize your school/work. Work out, eat healthy, drink water, get good rest, and take care of your body. Hold yourself accountable. Be gentle to yourself. 

Staying in your lane will allow the universe to bring the right people to you. You won’t even have to lift a finger searching for meaningful and fulfilling connections. But in order for this to happen, you have to find meaning and fulfillment within yourself.



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